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clean jokes

Postby jieh2008 » Sat Nov 01, 2008 10:23 pm

Three men were discussing at a table about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins"
"That’s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"
The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves.
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Postby jieh2008 » Sun Nov 02, 2008 10:29 pm

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years
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Postby Nano » Mon Nov 03, 2008 4:07 am

First one is ok....SEcond one has little to no humour

try again :)
-Not just an Ipod-
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Postby jieh2008 » Tue Nov 04, 2008 12:21 am

A family from the hills of Houran was visiting the big city for the first time. They stayed in a high rise hotel with a big brass elevator right off of the lobby. The father and son stared at it in amazement, wondering what it was. After staring at it in awe for a few minutes the boy looked up at his dad, "Pa, what do you think that is?" he asked. "I don't rightly know, son." the father replied. Just then an old ugly woman with curlers in her hair walks up, steps on the elevator and the doors shut behind her. After about 30 seconds the doors opened again and a beautiful, young blonde wearing a mini-skirt walks out. The father leans over to his son and says, "Boy,…Boy, go and get your Ma!"
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Postby GWB » Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:23 pm

A guy from kasouba in Jieh said to his mum: Mama ni7na ktir azkiya bi Kasouba smallah (wa da2 3al khachab).

The mother replied: Eh ba3ref ya ibneh izka men wled al 7ahra be kteer, bass oum fta7 el beb.
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Postby jieh2008 » Tue Nov 04, 2008 11:36 pm

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'
Watson replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What does that tell you?'
Watson ponders for a minute.' Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.' Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.'
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Postby jieh2008 » Sun Nov 09, 2008 10:06 pm

There's a double decker bus driving down the street full of passengers, blonde and brunette.
On the lower level of the bus, the brunettes are having a good time, talking, laughing, and singing along to the music playing.
On the upper part of the bus, the blondes are seated... they're in a panic. They're screaming, terrified, and holding onto each other as the bus moves along the street.
Finally, a brunette gets up and walks to the top of the bus to ask whats wrong, and one of the blonde's replies, "what's wrong?!? well, you'd be screaming too if you didnt have a driver!!!"
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Postby jieh2008 » Wed Nov 12, 2008 11:58 pm

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
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Postby Abou Jamra » Thu Nov 13, 2008 11:14 am

A teacher in Jieh Lebanon asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Ja3ja3 fans..

Not really knowing what a Ja3ja3 fan was, but wanting to be liked by the students, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Zouzou.

The teacher asked Little Zouzou why he decided to be different... again.
Little Zouzou said, 'Because I'm not a Ja3ja3 fan.'

The teacher said, 'Why aren't you a Ja3ja3 fan?'
Zouzou said, 'Because I'm a 3awnist..'

The teacher asked why he's a 3awnist.

Little Zouzou answered, 'Well, my Mom's a 3awnist and my Dad's a 3awnist, so I'm a 3awnist.'

The teacher asks, 'If your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'

With a big smile, Little Zouzou replied, 'That would make me a Ja3ja3 fan.'
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"My expectations as always are low" Haroun on Jieh council
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Postby jieh2008 » Fri Nov 14, 2008 12:12 am

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and cows,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
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Postby jieh2008 » Fri Nov 14, 2008 11:52 pm

Recently, I stopped by a fast-food restaurant. I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free French Fries.
I decided to give them a try.
I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer, which was dripping with fat.
He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order.
"Just a minute!" I said. "Those aren't fat-free."
"Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes . . . the fat is free!"
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Postby jieh2008 » Tue Nov 18, 2008 1:48 am

Michelle Obama was in her front yard watering her roses when Barrack Obama came out of the house and rushed straight to the mailbox, opened it, looked in, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
As Michelle was getting ready to prune the roses, Barrack came back out to the mailbox, opened it, felt all the way to the back, and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her husband’s actions Michelle asked him, “Is something wrong honey?”
To which he replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL.”
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Postby jieh2008 » Sun Nov 23, 2008 3:00 pm

A Swiss guy visiting Sydney, Australia, pulls up at a bus stop where two locals are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Aussies just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?"
No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Aussie turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
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Postby jieh2008 » Thu Nov 27, 2008 2:57 am

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked.
"Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."
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Postby jieh2008 » Fri Nov 28, 2008 10:18 pm

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the priest was standing at the door to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Priest said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, abouna"
Priest questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the Lebanese secret service.
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