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Jokes section

PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 10:00 am
by Prince Cadmus II
Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

Lebanese Pricing

PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 4:16 pm
by haroun
Three contractors . . . one from Lebanon, another from Syria and the third from France are bidding to repair the White House fence. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The French contractor takes out a tape and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says. "I figure the job will run $900 . . . $400 for materials, $400 for labor
and $100 profit for me."
The syrian contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700 . . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Lebanese contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700."
The official, incredulous,says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How
did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy," the Lebanese explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we
hire the Syrian to do the work."

PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 11:21 am
by steph
HAHAHA :lol:

Abu Abed

PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:45 pm
by Prince Cadmus II
"Abu Abed & Jumblat on the Judgment Day"

On the Judgment Day, Abu Abed was convicted to spend the rest of his life with an ugly very old lady..

So he took the old lady and on his way out saw, Waleed Jumblat with Haifa Wehbe, so he went upset and went back complaining : "This is not fair.... What did I do in my life to deserve that ugly old lady and Waleed Jumblat taking Haifa Wehbe... and he started shooting "This is not fair... This is not fair by all means "

The Angel said : " Take it easy Abu Abed... Why are you so upset... First of all, We did not compensate Jumblat by giving him Haifa Wehbe, As a matter of fact, Haifa was convicted and as a punishment for her, we did not find anyone uglier than Jumblat to give her to spent the rest of her life with...

PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:51 pm
by Prince Cadmus II
"Abu Abed in Sahet El Hourieh"

Abu Abed and his friend Abu Steif were amongst the protester in a tent in Sahet El Hourieh...

In the middle of the night Abu Abed woke up and starting shaking Abu Steif to wake up: Abu Steif...Abu Steif wake up... and tell me what do you see.... Do you see what I see ?

Abu Steif : I can see the sky... I can see the moon... I can see the stars...!

Abu Abed : And What does this mean to you ?

Abu Steif : This means " Freedom"... This means "Souverenity"... This means " Independence"...

Abu Abed: Come on you stupid jerk... Wake up... This means "Our tent was stolen ...!"

PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 2:51 pm
by Prince Cadmus II
"Abu Abed and Em Abed at The Cinema"

Abu Abed took his wife Em Abed to see a movie at in Cinema. Few minutes after they have switched the light off, Abu Abed asked Em Abed : Anyone behind us ?

Em Abed : No

Abu Abed : Anyone in front of us ?

Em Abed : No

Abu Abed : Anyone on our side?

Em Abed : No.. Nobody, we are alone in the cinema

Abu Abed :If this is the case, It means that it is you who farted ...!

PostPosted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 10:31 am
by Prince Cadmus II
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant,
and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She' s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she
took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since."

The wife replied, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

PostPosted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 1:51 pm
by Prince Cadmus II

A young boy just received his driving permit. He asks his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

"I'll make a deal with you," said his father. "You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and then we'll talk."

A month later, the boy comes back and asks his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

"Son, I'm real proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied your Bible, but you didn't get your hair cut!"

"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 10:55 am
by Nano
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries...... but, now we know.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race..... you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the're a pansy.
If you work too hard...there's never any time for her.
If you don't work're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay...this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her.....that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of's affirmative action.
If you mention how nice she's sexual harassment. If you keep's male indifference.
If you're a wimp. If you don''re an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you......she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy....... that's domination.
If she asks's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form're a pervert. If you don''re gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs, wear sexy lingerie and keep in're sexist. If you don''re unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in're vain. If you don't're a slob.
If you buy her're after something. If you don't're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your're full of yourself.
If you aren't....... you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache............she's tired. If you have a headache don't love her anymore.
If you want it too're over sexed. If you don't......there must be someone else.
So why do men die first?
Because they want to.

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 10:56 am
by Nano
I found this on the old forum.... :(

we are the azzi's
we are the farmers
we are the loosers
we are the lovers
our cousins we marry,fertilizers we carry
bare feet is the wife,in the kitchen pregnant for life
tomota for brain,in lebanon no gain
australia the same,cucumber our only fame,azzi for last name
joy to the world
thank you merciful lord
charbel in our land
salvation in his hand.

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 10:58 am
by Nano
During work, Abou Abed and Abou Steif were chatting:

Abou Abed: Abou Steif, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.

Abou Steif: Bahhh

Abou Abed: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?

Abou Steif: No

Abou Abed: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876, if you take night courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:

Abou Abed: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?

Abou Steif: No

Abou Abed: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:

Abou Abed: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?

Abou Steif: No

Abou Abed: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, Abou Steif got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Abou Ali el Zernbewi?

Abou Abed: No

Abou Steif: He's the guy sleeping with Em Abed, if you stop night courses, you would know this!!

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 10:59 am
by Nano

A Lebanese and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.
The Lebanese, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa." Again, the Lebanese declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This gets the guy's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Lebanese doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn."
So the Lebanese asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The American thinks about it. No answer.
Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!
He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers. Checks the input. All to no avail!
Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Lebanese and hands him $500.
The Lebanese thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.
The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Lebanese and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Lebanese reaches into his wallet, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep.

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:00 am
by Nano
One day, a Homsi worker was working on the thirteenth floor of a building when a man came running to him shouting: "Omar, Omar... your daughter Fatima just died in an accident".
Omar was in panic... not knowing what to do, he jumped from the 13th floor.
While going down, he was near the tenth floor, when he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Fatima!
When he was near the fifth floor, he remembered he was not married!
When he was about to hit the ground, he remembered he was not Omar!

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:01 am
by Nano
The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.

"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks........................ and believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:02 am
by Nano
Abu El Abed (AA) and Abu Steif (AS) went to the Casino. AS walks up to a Coke machine
and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. AS looks amazed, he starts feeding the machine madly,
and the machine keeps popping out the drinks.
AA walks up behind AS and watches his antics for a few minutes before stopping him and
asking if someone else could have a go.
AS spins around and shouts in AA's face: Mish shayef jeyeh 7azzeh ?(Can't you see I'm